Arnold reviews the preview for The Adjustment Bureau…..with special guest Matt Damon! This isn’t the furniture you’re looking for, toke her up, durr hurr, smells like Fringe, perverted rhyming, prop malfunctions, x-acto knives and this summer’s next big blockbuster.
Originality goes dark! Transgendered singers, the origin of Seal, shower loofahs, the cinematic equivalent of 9/11, Michael Bay’s favorite band, Bumblebee questions his career choices, and a robot orgy sex fest.
Hopefully the sex isn’t with any of these women. Vajazzled vaginas, how God decided to make Sarah Jessica Parker, 9/11 on their asses, Lance Armstrong = Matthew McConaughey, Arial’s older uglier more ginger cousin, and hopefully a genie shoots me.
Nic Cage sells out again! Smashing together Harry Potter/The Mummy/National Treasure/She’s Out of My League, the douche of Ben Affleck, bankrupt and homeless, calling all Arnolds, Asians are always doing coke, blowing smoke up our asses, and the probability of National Treasure 3.
Throw your hands up, they’re playing The Notebook again! Party in the Whore S A, a body in a ditch with lye, Nicholas Sparks is full of bullshit (and money), Lyspy McWhoresington, pedophile dad, and I reflect on the mistakes of my career.
This movie makes me harder than Wolverine’s skeleton. STD sand crabs, Legolas, Star Trek meets Conan the Barbarian meets Lord of the Rings, release the cracker, and my keys…..where are they?!?
Totally brutal review of She’s Out of My League. No woman, man, animal, or fleshlight is out of Arnold’s league…..except maybe Arnold sent back in time. Giant boobies, a mouth that will devour your soul, the jizzing of the pants, and Tom Arnold shaving my balls.
NYAAAHHH! Welcome to Arnold at the Movies. I’m Arnold Schwarzenegger, your most beloved 80’s and 90’s action movie star. I’ve launched this site to review the latest in the film and movie industry. Here’s what you can come to expect from Arnold at the Movies:
- Poor design
- Even poorer audio quality
- Many mentions of bodybuilding and my whore of a wife Maria
- Dick jokes
- Ungodly large amounts of narcissism
If you plan on letting your children view my brutal and epic reviews, good for you. This nation needs fewer pussies as parents.