The Adjustment Bureau movie review preview

March 2nd, 2011

Arnold reviews the preview for The Adjustment Bureau…..with special guest Matt Damon! This isn’t the furniture you’re looking for, toke her up, durr hurr, smells like Fringe, perverted rhyming, prop malfunctions, x-acto knives and this summer’s next big blockbuster.

Transformers 3 movie preview review

February 12th, 2011

Originality goes dark! Transgendered singers, the origin of Seal, shower loofahs, the cinematic equivalent of 9/11, Michael Bay’s favorite band, Bumblebee questions his career choices, and a robot orgy sex fest.

Sex and the City Part Deux Review

April 16th, 2010

Hopefully the sex isn’t with any of these women. Vajazzled vaginas, how God decided to make Sarah Jessica Parker, 9/11 on their asses, Lance Armstrong = Matthew McConaughey, Arial’s older uglier more ginger cousin, and hopefully a genie shoots me.

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice trailer review

April 16th, 2010

Nic Cage sells out again! Smashing together Harry Potter/The Mummy/National Treasure/She’s Out of My League, the douche of Ben Affleck, bankrupt and homeless, calling all Arnolds, Asians are always doing coke, blowing smoke up our asses, and the probability of National Treasure 3.

The Last Song (aka The Notebook IV) review

April 9th, 2010

Throw your hands up, they’re playing The Notebook again! Party in the Whore S A, a body in a ditch with lye, Nicholas Sparks is full of bullshit (and money), Lyspy McWhoresington, pedophile dad, and I reflect on the mistakes of my career.

Predators movie trailer preview review

April 2nd, 2010

NYAAAAHHHHH, chopper in the air!!!!! I can count, that guy always dies first, dots vs. lines, and those guys from those movies and that TV show.

Clash of the Titans epic trailer review

March 30th, 2010

This movie makes me harder than Wolverine’s skeleton. STD sand crabs, Legolas, Star Trek meets Conan the Barbarian meets Lord of the Rings, release the cracker, and my keys…..where are they?!?

Twilight Eclipse movie preview review

March 27th, 2010

The biggest panty dropper of the summer! Starring TV dinner lady, my pickup lines sound like a Blink 182 song boy, and the Harry Potter kids would rape my ass at quidditch guy.

She’s Out of My League review

March 27th, 2010

Totally brutal review of She’s Out of My League. No woman, man, animal, or fleshlight is out of Arnold’s league…..except maybe Arnold sent back in time. Giant boobies, a mouth that will devour your soul, the jizzing of the pants, and Tom Arnold shaving my balls.

Arnold at the Movies launches

March 27th, 2010

NYAAAHHH! Welcome to Arnold at the Movies. I’m Arnold Schwarzenegger, your most beloved 80’s and 90’s action movie star. I’ve launched this site to review the latest in the film and movie industry. Here’s what you can come to expect from Arnold at the Movies:

  • Poor design
  • Even poorer audio quality
  • Profanity
  • Many mentions of bodybuilding and my whore of a wife Maria
  • Dick jokes
  • Ungodly large amounts of narcissism

If you plan on letting your children view my brutal and epic reviews, good for you. This nation needs fewer pussies as parents.